I just don’t know what to say, my fly in my head it’s crazy, my heart is drunk and maybe i am to stupid to make things right . Nothing i do is right, nothing i want doesn’t work as it should. Maybe i ask to much from myself and others, maybe i don’t offer enough, maybe i just need a break from everybody. Maybe i just need an amnesia to forget everything, at least for some time…I just need to forget that i love for a time, to put , to make some order in my head because i do not know anymore what to do. I want to prove to much and i think i am forcing things but actually i am just afraid, afraid to lose again the man i love and that i already lost one time for my own stupidity. i do not know what to do, what to believe, i love him, i am with somebody else and the man that i love just needs time to put his own feelings in order. I actually understand him even if dam hard to stay away. I miss him so much but actually i am also happy…he isn’t anymore my lost love.
Today is the cleaning day. The music is on, the vacuum is prepared and ready to do his job. Nothing is better then cleaning and dancing all over the place. Like this i burn some calories and have fun in the same time. To be honest cleaning is not my favorite task. But i have to do it :)))))))). I found today something…Christmas magic last as long as Christmas, so i was happy for little time. That’s life. But Easter is close so maybe another small magic will happen. Anyway until the i have to clean all this house by my own and even cook (that i like). Yesterday i made some piggy in the blanket and some cheese packages, but they are all gone so i have to prepare something today. So who is coming to help me clean? The door it’s open 😛
P.S. the pic is from yesterday
Nothing is what it seams in this world, nothing is to easy to make to get as you see at other persons. It is easy to see but hard to do. Today i have learned that it’s the best to say Thank you for less then nothing and maybe one day i will say THANK YOU for more then less, maybe for all that i ever wanted. Time usually needs time and knowing needs time. I have to know what i want, what i feel, to be 100% dedicated so that’s why i say thank you for less. Now it’s my time to understand, to know, to rediscover, to make that thing that i want to do much more easy that it seams because now it’s hard, to dam hard for me. Step by step, baby steps, in life, in love in everything…like this i want to make everything. Learn to appreciate, learn to love at my full power and learn again to be loved. This does not mean i will back down …I will always be here and i will never let my chance go away again…
Today it seams that i can not woke up at all. The little fly in my head it’s screaming “Go back to bed you crazy person” and i do not listen . But this it’s something normal to people today. Why to listen to our brain when we can listen to our heart, heart that usually makes mistakes especially in the most important domain, her own and personal domain. I am speaking about LOVE (just in case someone it’s asking …-what the hell is she talking about??). My brain (actually the fly that consider her self my brain) usually it’s like this – go to work, make money, eat and sleep; “love what is that?? Something that will bring tears on your face and you will suffer like a stupid person”, and my heart says “o no love everyone, make everyone happy, nothing is much more important than love, and people around you should be happy”, But what about me? My brain wants me to be a slave of work and routine and my heart just wants me to make everyone happy, but what if i am not happy??Who the hell cares??? So starting today i will take only the good parts from the brain and heart thinking and feeling. So miss Fly in my head you can go straight to hell today, Now i will do as my HEART says. I will just love. No more routine , it’s my time to be happy.
Who does not believe in Santa, in the Christmas magic and Christmas joy? Until now i did not believe at all. But this year something had changed. A hope came true, a wish, a dream. I finally found out that past can be good with me and bring me joy, and happiness not only tears.
So please be good and wish up on a star and one day, not to soon but not to late you might get what you want, love, desire all your life. Smile we only have one life and its dam short.
Merry Christmas to all. I love you
Music and empty words, everywhere i look around. Sadness surrounds me, words with no meaning people with no face, no character. Everyone wants something, everyone wants to make something with their life but really no one does nothing. Everything is good as it is, it’s perfect…maybe that’s why i hear complains all the time, at the bank, at the electricity companies because of the bills, in the supermarket because they can not pay, afford, live. How can this be perfect? How can this be a perfect life to live? This is not a life, we work like slaves to pay our bills, our taxes but we don’t receive nothing good in return. Same old roads full of hole’s, same old buildings, same cold we all live, same crappy food, same old stuff. We end up in a time of manipulation so big that we don’t know not even what we eat…is it meat or not, it looks like but it taste like other stuff, is it bread or chemicals? Taxes on what they are going? Who knows…Important is we to pay them. But the world it’s perfect and we don’t have to change anything. We love to stay away from all this, to be a part of this stupidity that surrounds us. If some one will ever try to help this perfect world that we live in please don’t even try to help him…live the way you like and want.
We have traveled in this country, in every corner of it from N-S and S-E to see how people manage with a small income, because we heard that people can not afford any more to pay their bills. At first we couldn’t understand why is that. Why is this happening? The answer it’s simple: The income it’s small no mater at what companies they work, the food it’s expensive and the bills are horror for every person we meet. The electricity bill can reach even 100 euros, the gas bill even 250 euros (on winter time), and the price for food….They barely manage to buy a pound of meat once a month. Many gave up buying fruits and vegetables on a normal basis, this stuff it’s bought only when they are strictly necessary. A salary here for a normal employ it’s around 250 euros a month and it is not enough. After paying the bills they have to take loans to live, and taking loan after loan it’s not the best thing to do. After some time the bills plus paying the loan rate every month put’s them in a bad situation. They sell their house, lands or what ever they have, the children stop going to school and that is not good for anyone. We know that this situation it’s not only in my country, it’s everywhere we look. Paying bills that are bigger than what we earn and expensive food toked us to this. So we came with an idea, and idea that will help people to live with less but much better with the same amount of money. The plan it’s to reduce the bills. Reducing the bills will give everyone of us some extra money that will help everyone have a normal life, but for that we have to learn how to collaborate with nature, how to use the sun to compensate the energy that we need, how to heat the house with less gas and even to produce part of our food. It is much more easy to go to your back yard and take your dinner then go to the supermarket. But i even saw people that are already down, with no power to come up again. Those people need a boost, a boost that will put their family on their feet. For that we will find a way to help the local food bank and those people to be feed. Step by step to find them jobs to ensure them a monthly income and with reduced bills and food on the table they will be able to live again. This project will help a lot of people here and all over the planet. With your help we know we can. So please share this project and if you can please donate.
Off grid eco pioneers
Only together we can make a difference
Christmas is close and Santa is busy. Gifts are made with heart for those we love, for those we care about, for people that stood beside us when we need it. Christmas has many meanings, for some it’s about gifts, for many it’s biblical meaning, for me it’s about both. I don’t want any gift for Christmas, i don’t deserve but i do know people that deserve the Christmas joy, people that are in need, so for me the biggest gift it’s to help others. I think the smile on people face the worm in their soul it’s the most precious thing that i could have, feel and desire. So my Christmas wish this year and for the next years is to give our gifts not to people that already have what they need, is to give that gift to people that really need our help, to make better holidays for all. For that guy on the street that it’s cold, for that old lady that needs a hot tea, for those who lost their jobs, their homes and end up on the streets, for those that think their life it’s over. Share the joy and you will feel the true spirit of Christmas, make someone happy and you will be happy. This it’s my way of helping https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/small-eco-village , together we can make a difference. What’s your Christmas wish, or better say…what gift will you give for Christmas. This year be Santa for someone in need.
I am thinking here….close to my bedroom window, it’s snowing, it’s cold, the smoke of my cigarette floats away to the small opening of the window. Christmas it’s close, memories, past loves that let their mark on my heart, past enemies that are gone and never to return…just smoke like the one from my cigarette. Ghost of my past are still behind me, searching and searching for a way to get back, to come alive. All it’s white as it should be, no dark spots like life should be, beautiful like winter, like snow, pure white, beautiful design and even if it’s cold it’s actually worm inside my soul. My cigarette it’s almost done, here next to my bedroom window, i can not see stars but the stars can see me, thinking of my regrets in life, what should have done, change, say, but it’s just thinking, time can not go back. My smoke run away through the window now it’s my time to stop thinking .
Who to love? What to love? Who to trust? For who to open the door of our hearts. Good questions in this times with little answers. Why i am saying this? Simple, people do not know anymore what to love, the house you are staying in, your collage degree, your wallet, car or many other things. People can not find love anymore by just looking in the other person eyes and just feeling that feeling, when butterflies are running to your stomach, when your tongue feels like it’s broken and you can not articulate well your words. No more of this feelings, no more stars, no more glitter just comfort. So love resume for some today at some small things-wallet, good looking, not fat off course, car, house and that it, and after 3-4 years they wander why they get a divorce? Because many of us don’t see the real love and believe that all i have said before it’s actually love but it’s not, not at all. I do not say to live in poverty, i just say to be more careful because when you look after a guy/girl with all the benefits your soul mate can easily pass by you and you will never notice. Love it’s not something we should regret, love it’s not something to forget love it’s something to be lived, felt, love it’s something bigger then us and love doesn’t mean a expensive car or lot’s of credit cards. But after all this, after all the feelings, all the needs in our life, a question remains … WHO TO LOVE?